The good, the bad, and the blah
[August 12, 2021 — article by Henriette Pflug]
The past couple of months, I — and probably a lot of you too — have been having a hard time answering the question „So, how are you these days?”. Not because I did not feel comfortable opening up to the person in front of me, but because I was truly lacking the words to express what was going on inside of me — which was basically… nothing?
Even though I am one of those millennials who would usually comment “Omg, same!” under at least five memes per day on Instagram, it took me forever to find an article on the internet that was putting my (missing) feelings into words. But then, a couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon this piece by Adam Grant, which finally gave the “blah” a name: Languishing.
According to the Oxford Dictionary “languishing” means “to be forced to stay somewhere or suffer something unpleasant for a long time” — which does sound a lot like 2021 to me. Whereas the year 2020 made me feel like I was on a proper rollercoaster ride (including anxiety, some sort of excitement, and sometimes relief), 2021 so far was more like a train ride through a flat, grey landscape towards a destination that I did not feel any anticipation for. While it is sizzling.
One could argue that it’s better to feel nothing than to feel scared or angry, but according to Corey Keyes, the sociologist who initially coined the term, the people most likely to suffer from major depression and anxiety disorders in the next ten years, will be the ones who are languishing right now — for languishing still means the absence of well-being.
But should we, who have been feeling “blah” lately, be panicking right now? Should we already be on the hunt for one of those coveted spots in therapy– just in case?
“First of all, everyone should know that we have been experiencing quite some unusual times indeed. The things that gave us joy and stability — our routines, hobbies, and social interactions — have been eliminated or at least reduced for the last 1.5 years. Therefore, a psychological state such as languishing is a rather normal process,” mental health expert, psychotherapist and coach Dr. Eva Elisa Schneider tells me. “Just because you are or were feeling a bit detached lately, does not mean that you have to be afraid of experiencing PTSD or depression later on in your life.”
Phew!
For now, to get back to the state of flourishing, the peak of well-being, she recommends activities which are giving you a sense of self-efficacy, purpose, and/or control. It might also help you to reach out to your social network, talk to your friends or family members and discuss how you are feeling — now that we have finally found a word for our collective state of mind.
Things are slowly going back to normal right now anyways, some of you might say. So, maybe the Berlin summer with all its open airs, picnics, and bike rides to lakes is the ultimate antidote for languishing?
To be honest, when everything reopened last month, I was tempted to just throw myself back out there and kind of reenact my Pre-Covid life. But even after weeks of doing so, I still feel overwhelmed, and I am not 100% sure if I am enjoying myself or if I am just imitating my “old” emotions and reactions to certain things too.
“The dose makes the poison. If you overexert yourself with social activities, you may cover up or blur out your ‘real’ emotions. But then again, we as human beings need to keep on doing the things we are used to. Iterations and rhythm give us a feeling of stability. To resume our hobbies or social contacts can therefore do a lot for our well-being. So, it’s just about pausing from time to time and asking yourself ‘Is this what I need right now?’,” Eva states on this matter.
Mindfulness has become some sort of a buzzword, I admit it. But taking the time to listen to yourself and sense your emotions is probably more important than ever right now. Small habits such as writing down what made you happy or what you were thankful for today can do the trick. Could be a dinner with friends or simply enjoying the sunset at Tempelhofer Feld on your own. In the process, you might even find out that those things you thought you could never do without are not the things that you need to feel good about yourself — and the other way around.
At this point, no one knows if we might be facing another wave/lockdown (thanks, Delta!). I cannot help but wonder what we could do to be better prepared this time — fingers crossed we won’t need those tips after all.
According to Eva, we can never really prepare for a crisis, especially if it is a multidimensional one like Covid. But making sure that we have a social network we can rely on, is an important factor when it comes to enduring hard times. “We tend to lose sight of the fact that there are many things we can control and only focus on the threats at first. By actively practicing concentrating on the things we can influence, we can already generate a more crisis-proof mindset,” she adds.
So, for now, what we can do is to feel all those feels, thank ourselves for our flexibility in the last 1.5 years, and build up our resilience by expanding or enhancing our social network as well as focus on things and activities we have control of.
Sounds like a plan to me.
But I am also curious to hear your opinion and experiences on this matter. Tell me how you are dealing with your emotions these days in the comments! ❤
Side note: If none of the things we mentioned seem to be working for you or you feel like you simply cannot handle the situation on your own any longer, you don’t have to be ashamed to reach out for professional help of course. You would not be the only one to do so: According to a survey conducted by the German Psychotherapists Association (DPtV) earlier this year, the number of patient inquiries has risen by an average of 40 percent compared to the same period last year. Unfortunately, this also means that waiting lists are rather long these days. So, as mentioned before, you can also consider consulting a coach with a psychological background instead of a therapist.
For immediate help you can contact the telephone helpline online or via 0800–1110111 or 0800–1110222.
If there is a risk of danger to self or others (especially suicide), do not hesitate to call a psychiatric emergency service or the rescue service on 112.
Further information on the subject of mental health can also be found at Deutsche Depressionshilfe.
